The Teen Titans meet TektonTV
by BleedingOrifice
Summary: The Teen Titans get schooled by one of the most notorious evangelical animators in the world... or so he thinks.


We start off in what appears to be a talk show room. There is a humanoid figure with a fox tail and head, and a moose-like face. "Aw, hey everyone." it says. "Today we have special guests on our show today." it continues. "So please welcome the Teen Titans." it continues once more. Right about then, five teenagers, a green boy in a purple suit, a pale girl in a purple cloak, a tall, African-American man with robotic enhancements, a red-haired girl in a two-piece dress, and a boy in a red shirt, green tights, a black cape, and an eye-mask, come out and take a seat. "Welcome to the show" the humanoid fox says. "It's an honor sir, we don't get invited to stuff like this often" the boy in the mask says. "Alright, now for our first caller for the day." The humanoid fox says. "Ok, let's hear it." it continues.

Afterward, a video clip plays, and on it is a man with a mullet. "So I was talking with this Christian earlier today, and he was talking about how all followers of different faiths will suffer forever in Hell, and I asked 'doesn't it seem kinda harsh that God would punish people for not believing in him' and he said it's not" the man says. "Wow, looks like I've got a dumb one on my hands" the humanoid fox says. "Aw man, it's TektonTV" the man on the video says. "Time to turn that flame off, sonny" TektonTV says. "There's not one single passage in the Bible that describes Hell as being a place of fire and torture" he continues. "Yes there is, tons of them, and I didn't say a thing about fire and torture, just tell me how following another god warrants not being granted access into Heaven" the man in the video continues. Right about then, a boxing glove smacks across the man's face. "Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit fundie Atheist!" TektonTV says.

"Whoa dude" the metal man responds. "Not cool" he continues. "What?" TektonTV asks. "He was so asking for it." he continues. "Uh no, he was just asking you politely how belief in another god warrants eternity in Hell" the cloaked girl says. "Ok well..." TektonTV says before shutting the video down. "Let's move onto our next segment, 'The Dumb Trivia'" he continues. After this, a curtain pulls away to reveal a game show area similar to Family Feud, with two contestants, a tall, slender looking man and a thin, blonde woman, at the game show stands. "Alright, first question" TektonTV says "What does the word 'omnipotent' mean?" he asks. "It means all powerful" The man answers. Afterward, an anvil drops on him, crushing him, and shocking the Titans. "Wrong answer" TektonTV says. Afterward, the cloaked girl pulls out a dictionary and reads it. "Hold on, that guy was right." She says. "Yeah, but that's not how a Christian would put it." TektonTV responds. "Hold up, what's your deal, man?" The green boy asks. "First you won't give a proper answer to a guy asking about belief in other gods, and then you kill some guy who gets an answer right because you didn't like their answer?" he continues. "Second question" TektonTV says. "What are the seven deadly sins?" he asks. "Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride." the woman answers. Afterward, a flamethrower comes down and shoots fire at the woman, burning her alive. "Wrong answer" TektonTV says. "OH WHAT THE FUCK!" the metal man responds in disgust.

"What is with you? Why are you treating all these people like garbage!?" the green boy asks. "Hey, this is how old cartoons do things" TektonTV responds. "Yeah, but that's no excuse to do all these things, especially since people actually suffer these things!" the boy in the mask says. "I don't care, a gag is a gag" TektonTV replies. "You see" he continues. "I spend my time reinterpreting the written accounts of events that, at first glance, may seem entirely morally reprehensible" he adds on. "I add context to these events, mainly from my own imagination, until I can satisfy myself that these acts of apparent 'rape', 'torture', or 'genocide', were not just morally justifiable, but actually kinda cute and fluffy, that's right" he continues. "Let's say you read about some guy who cursed several kids and sent bears to maul them to death just because they made fun of his baldness" he adds on. "Sounds kinda messed up, right?" he continues. "But not the way I tell the damn story!" he continues. "Ok, we're done here!" the masked boy says. But then, TektonTV presses a button, and the Titans find themselves strapped to their seats.

The Titans are appalled by this action, and the green boy turns into a gorilla, but then, all the Titans are suddenly zapped, and the green boy returns to normal. "I'm afraid we can't have that" TektonTV says. "Now that you've learned my secret." he continues. The metal man then breaks out of his bonds, breaks the others out of theirs, and throws the desk toward TektonTV, who gets out of the way, then the red-haired girl's hands begin glowing green, and she fires green bolts from them toward TektonTV, who avoids them as well. "Alright" he says. "You've forced my hand" he continues. He then presses a button, and a 12-foot robot suit comes down, and TektonTV gets into it and battles the Titans. "Titans go!" the masked boy yells as the Titans begin battling TektonTV. "Don't waste your energy" TektonTV says. "I've designed this robot specifically to tackle fundy atheists of all kinds." he continues. "Azarath Metrion ZINTHOS" the cloaked girl shouts as a black energy beam hits the robot, which begins short circuiting, then TektonTV begins glitching. "Oh no" TektonTV says worriedly. He then begins falling apart, revealing a morbidly obese man with a beard. "Wow" the green boy says surprisedly. "He ain't nothin' but a sad little man" the metal man says. "YOU" the man shouts as he gets up to attack the masked boy. However, the man then falls over and breathes heavily. However, he reaches for a pistol concealed underneath the floorboards, and he points it at the masked boy, and is about to pull the trigger when a police squad comes busting into the room, and they place handcuffs on him and take him away.

"James Patrick Holding" an officer says. "By authority of the city of Jump City, you are hereby under arrest for multiple counts of rape, murder, child sexual abuse, and hate crimes" he continues. The officers then take James Patrick Holding away. "Ya know, that guy reminds me of Control Freak" the green boy says as the Titans exit the building.

"When a man lies, he murders some part of the world. These are the pale deaths which men miscall their lives. All this I cannot bear to witness any longer. Cannot the kingdom of salvation take me home?"


End file.
